Stir Crazy

When driving cross country there's only so much you can do to entertain yourself. Thank God for satellite radio! This was from an interview with a champagne snob connoisseur about proper storage and drinking techniques.
I found it's much more fun if you answer the questions yourself. Interviewer=bold, expert=italic

What is the proper pouring technique when serving champagne?
Pouring?! Its new years! Tilt the head back and pour it straight down the hatch!

What should I do if I have an unfinished bottle?
Finish it you idiot! 
You should put a Silver Spoon in the top and place it somewhere cool.
   Hah! yeah right. Only if you're going to play capture the flag spoon with it later on! I think you should put a balloon over the top instead, shake it up and let science take over. Then you should follow it up with a massive, all inclusive, no holds barred pillow fight. In your underwear.

How many bubbles can one glass of champagne produce before it goes flat?
Are you serious? Who cares! A) you should drink it before it's even had a chance to think about going flat and B) if you can count that high you clearly haven't had enough to drink and need to down that one and grab another! (the answers about 2 million just incase you wondering)

Do things like wearing lipstick or chapstick effect the taste of the drink?
    DON'T CARE! It's a party, lipstick adds some color. Besides, it's how I mark my glass. 
Yes it does.
    SEXISM! Foul play! Screw you champagne, I thought we were friends! Good luck getting just men to drink you...

Do things like leftover soap in the glass affect the taste?
    Well duhh....they make it taste like soap! What a dumb question...
How does temperature affect taste?
The colder it is the more carbonated it stays.
     So more hiccups?
 More carbonation equals more bubbles. These bubbles then actually remove impurities in the champagne making it taste crisper.
     Ah. Like the soap. So what your saying is if I'm dumb enough to leave soap in my glass I can just pour REALLY cold champagne in it and let it do it's thing, while in the meanwhile counting the number of bubbles till it goes flat. GENIOUS. Two birds with one stone...